Rob and I have been married for two years now, and I always find this question interesting. I’ve asked all my closest friends who I didn’t know until after they were married too—it gives me a better picture of what their lives looked like before we met!
So, did you live with your partner before you got married, and if you’re not married, would you?
Rob and I did not live together before marriage. We thought about moving in together when I first moved to Chicago, but I was worried that I would rely on him too much for my social life—I was already working at home alone—and I figured that living with a roommate would push me outside my comfort zone a bit more. Looking back, I’m glad we did it that way. It gave me a sense of independence in a new-to-me city that I think was really good for my confidence and self-esteem. Plus, we’d traveled extensively together, sometimes for long periods of time, and sometimes dealing with stressful circumstances like train strikes and forgotten visas, so I already had a pretty good idea of what living with him would be like.
We got out first place together just a few months before we tied the knot. I moved in to the new spot alone, and Rob moved in one month before the wedding. So, technically, I guess that means we did live together before marriage, but it was more of out necessity at that point. Rob wasn’t going to go get a new lease on an apartment for just a month! Either way, I was happy that we waited to move in until we were married.
For me, it made marriage seem so much more real, and made it an even bigger milestone. Not only did we now have shiny new wedding bands, we shared a home together—as a new family. It was this major life shift that made marriage feel more sacred and real to me. Sure, there was still plenty to learn about each other, and we learned things about each other we hadn’t known before. For example, we both have different ways of going about doing the laundry and the dishes! But again, I wouldn’t have traded it for anything.
While I was happy with our decision to not live together until after marriage, I’m really indifferent on the subject. Everyone has their reasons for doing it one way or another, and Rob and I made a choice that turned out to be less common (at least that’s true for Chicago), but it was right for us. At the end of the day, you have to decide what’s best for you, your partner and your relationship and make the decision together.
So tell me, did you or would you live with your partner before marriage? Why or why not?
P.S. This post made me realize that Rob and I are terrible at taking pictures together, these are some of the only one I could find that weren’t selfies!